back on track

Ok, I guess blogger got the bugs out. I have been able to post some of the queued posted that got shut out the other night, so I'll see about the rest when I can get back to this. It was a heck of a week and it might be for the best that there was a delay in taking blog-blurbs public. After a great weekend with Blake poolside in Santa Monica the clouds have cleared a bit. Now Orion and I have to excavate the apartment so JD has a place to sleep when he gets here. Until I find the floor....

phones are amazing

I have been in a funk. Today the thing that made the difference was hearing from friends I haven't talked to in a while. I just caught up with my friend, Jason. We've known each other since high school. Prior to Jason I talked to Emily, a friend from undergrad who just relocated to Alberta -- oh, Canada! -- and Carrie, a grad school great who I should now refer to as Dr. Carrie. That means I covered friends from each of my institutions of *higher* learning. Ok, middle school, where are you?

where the time goes

In Iowa I had a friend named Ernie. Besides feeding me from time to time and making the coffee, we used to talk books and authors. I was thinking about him today because we both liked Elizabeth Bishop. I was thinking about Elizabeth Bishop today.

I don't know what day it is exactly. Since returning to LA the days of the week escape me. I am still forgetting things; this week I missed one doctor's appointment and one breakfast. I never used to forget things like that. I haven't felt like posting in the same way I haven't felt like doing much of interest. In my mind, I am where people were prepared to deal with me four months ago. moody, depressed, angry. Four months ago I was still too tired to get the mail or shower standing up. I didn't have enough energy to be hostile and frustrated. I guess the fact that I am now is progress, eh?

Since I'm not getting calls returned or emails written, here are some snapshots of what is happening (sans doctors and the like).


I do crosswords. Drink tea instead of coffee.


I knit compulsively


...for those who need a little something.


I finally finished, bound, AND mailed the rug Margaret gave me that I made and returned as the wedding present she forgot to ask for.

And I walk. More about that later.

take your coat off

...and stay a while.
Earlier in the summer we had the chance to see friends who made the journey west to sleep on our couch. God bless you.
First there were Joel and Tina, all the way from Denmark and New York (no Amsterdam is not in Denmark, however this was a surprisingly frequent mistake).


We went to Dodgers Stadium. It was free beach towel day and I wasn't going to miss it. Joel and Tine needed towels for their western states adventure.


Orion and Joel walked memory lane... I do believe they are looking at a picture of themselves on a couch looking at pictures in Joel's childhood home. Follow?


Tina and I took picture of them.


While Tina and Joel were out on the road, Monique flew in from D.C. to keep me company...and as it turns out, learn to knit.




We did things like go to the Hollywood farmers market and look at wedding magazines (no, not me!) Now the question is, what am I going to do when Monique moves to Congo?? I guess traveling to visit it a good reason to finish physical therapy and take my meds.

goin' back to cali....

ahh, home sweet home.
It has been a couple of days since I flew back with my lovely escort, Lili (thanks again, lil). I have gotten over the fact that the apartment reverted to being a bachelor pad, and instead I am focusing on how great it is to see Orion. Portland must have been relaxing because I can't be bothered to worry about dishes...silverware is overrated, eh? I miss the northwest (and the people there) already. But am thankful that I made it home while you can still bring water on the plane with you. I used to love flying -- did I mention that on the return trip LAX was down to one runway and we had the opportunity to *visit* Ontario?

Now that I am back I can use the new sun hat I picked up in Oregon. cute, huh? This is me *getting out of the house* (keep laughing, Blake!) Yesterday I walked down to Hollywood Blvd. for my PT and remembered why I avoid it in the summer. A gazillion people and so many "characters" in front of the Chinese that there were three Super Girls. Sheesh! Who's protecting the public when they are all signing autographs and posing for pictures?? It reminded me of when I used to do fieldwork......

good friends, good food

When Lili came to Portland we tried to cram as much as possible between my naps. There was Velveteria, the black velevet painting museum and Voodoo Doughnut (where was my camera then?!) We went and saw Wade McCollum in Hedwig and the Angry Inch -- f-a-n-t-a-s-t-i-c! And there was lots of sitting around tables full of good food and conversation.

The night before we headed south, Al and Eileen made sure I would miss being home with a fantastic dinner and a few familiar faces...

Jered can still do the monkey face.
























Summer and dad in deep conversation about salmon.
The picture of Dave didn't turn out, but he was there, I swear!















Nadia,
we can
hate the
photo
together.
I love you!









Blake and
Dali say
"cheese"

yak yuck

In an inspired moment I started cleaning out a closet at my parents'. It was going fine, sitting and looking through shoeboxes is my speed, and I was getting rid of lots of stuff. This is good. Then it went terribly wrong. I was moving clear plastic storage bags full of blankets and sweaters when I started seeing little corpses with wings. oh.my.god. Reading about yarn and moth infestations lately has made me particularly sensitive to the thought of bugs making a buffet out of fiber goods. Here was my worst nightmare (ok, not worst; it has been a tough year) -- and to make it worse it was the bulk of the heavy stuff lugged back from Nepal. Yup, you guessed it. Yak wool.

This storage/*protective* bag-thing was packed with cedar and still produced hundreds of these little buggers...maybe not moths? Does anyone know about yak rug care?? I think this is another sign to get a bigger place (a house even) and start using the things in storage before its too late. hmmm... Too bad you don't get a house is exchange for paying off medical bills. First things first, I know.
In the meantime, ugh. yick. eewww.
The goods are now hanging all around the second story of the house. Sun helps, right? I once heard to put infested things in the microwave, but I'm not sure that is a physical possibility. Good thing that from a distance you can't seem the holes.

for carrie

I found a you-finished-you-phd-gift, I showed it to Orion, I found a box to mail it in, and now I have no idea where it is.
I blame the medications. I blame the drugs for everything.
Until I can locate said gift... here's a little something that made me think of you.

no backyard in la-la

One of the things I really miss living in Los Angeles is a backyard. I love Oregon for its year-round green, and my parents' yard in the summer. Even not watering the lawn it still feels green -- which is great when it is a 100+ July day! This hammock is my spot since coming home. Being able to take naps out here (lots of sunscreen and now the umbrella, don't worry) is all the reason I need for putting off my return to socal.

My brother, Alistair, was home for a few days that overlapped with Orion and I. He was put to work assembling garden-gear before heading back to the Bay. Behind him are the tomato plants...heirlooms and sun golds...I never cease to be impressed with the crop, and this summer there have been so many hot days that the vines are loaded!

Not only are there vines heavy with tomatoes, but to the right are these giant cedars -- you can imagine how impressive the old growth in Oregon is when you see what is in urban yards, eh?

Check out how small that three story gray house in the background looks. To the left, kiwi. Yup, they look like grapes, but these are the furry little green fruits - yum! So this is what I am up to. Enjoying the view of the sky and the growing things. It smells like jasmine and lilies, and it feels like *home*

Need: More Good Thoughts

My friend Irene (from Sundance) is in the hospital after suffering a stroke over the weekend. I now know how awful it is to have a friend get really sick out of nowhere. I guess I am the last to know, huh? It sucks. She called to let me know that she understands how it felt to have every doctor, nurse, and passerby tell me that "you are too young to have this happen." Irene is in the same boat being a young and previously healthy woman herself. I am learning that the advantage to my extended hospital stays means that I am a pretty good resource for tests to try and general empathizing. I also know the things to ask for -- like the water-less *shampoo* that can be done while you are in bed -- and can relate on the challenge of accepting the bedpan. If you have a quiet moment, send Irene some good thought for a fast recovery and strength. Even if you don't know her, she is a fantastic woman and one of my favorites.

portland summer

It is nice to be home. That is saying a lot since Portland has been in a record setting heat wave with 100+ days. This morning I came into the kitchen and was greeted my mom's dahlias. It is the sign of a good day and summer in Portland.

inspiration

As many of you know, I have been in a blue period for several weeks now. The two bright spots are knitting (I don't want to do much and I don't have to leave the house) and flowers. For the record, Orion is always a bright spot, as are calls from friends and mail (not hospital bills).


The sweet peas are from Guido (yes, he still lives in garage apartment) and the picture really doesn't do the colors justice. The Purple flowers are from Monique, who was out in Los Angeles for a visit right before I was swept away to Oregon. We had a super visit, and I got her to pick up a pair of needles. Monique, do not give up on that baby sweater, you can do it!

first sweater

I have been promising to go public with a picture of this baby sweater for weeks. At last, right Samantha? This is the first one I completed, buttons and all. I have to say I am hooked on the pattern -- thank you, Elizabeth Zimmerman, for your baby surprise sweater. I love working with the Koigu (KPPPM) and have included two photos since the color is better in the one without buttons. The best thing about Koigu are the colors. This sweater is especially petit I've been told, but hopefully it will be big enough for an Iowa Baby!



The second attempt was a little bigger and brighter. This one is already on its way to a friend of a friend. I love that you knit the whole thing as one piece and that when it's all done, it ends up being something that looks like a pattern I'd be daunted to try. I was planning to include a link, but couldn't decide on one, so if you are interested, google "elizabeth zimmerman baby surprise sweater", there are lots of site out there that discuss (with pictures, of course). When I look at what others are doing it reminds me how new I am to all of this, and how much room there is to grow! For the yarn, there are many options, I like the knit-purl website because of the photos (and because they are in portland). I think my new favorite spot in Portland is Lint. Nice gals, good prices, cute website, and lots of stuff.

In justifying the expense of a new hobby, I figure that, 1) I was due for an addiction since I have been off alcohol AND coffee since I got sick nine (!!) months ago, 2) if I tell myself these are all christmas gifts it is ok, and 3) I am still pretty slow so how much damage can I do.... Orion banned me from buying any more books online, but he hasn't said anything about the yarn. Being in Portland I have mom as an accomplice, which helps since she can drive and I haven't taken up this practical skill again as of yet. See, I sound the same and look pretty good, but I am not back to being the girl I was before surgery. They tell me I am doing great and that it will all come back in time.

Meanwhile, knitting is like a puzzle, with a sense of progress built in to the process.

vacation

I am a bad bloggess, but I have a good excuse. I was swept away on a surprise vacation and have been taking a break from life online. ahhhh. If and when I return to Los Angeles, I'll finish a whole bunch of catch-up posts. They are all just sitting here staring at me and waiting for me to locate the photos....

want to live

In preparation for the arrival of our friends, Joel and Tina, I attempted *real* cleaning for the first time. Prior to this I have pursued making piles, moving piles, dusting from a seated position, and hassling Orion about vacuuming. Dishes, laundry, recycling...these are the things I have learned to ignore as best I can. I mean does it really matter what utensil you eat cereal with? Chopsticks are a challenge, but you can make it work. So, with friends less that 24 hours away I decided to start with the outside (drugs=sarah's logic) and hang out with the plants. Orion got me a great chair for sitting outside, with the hope that I would read and get some air/sun. If it weren't always so hot in Hollywood this might be more of a feasible goal (I'll save my rants about the weather for another day -- I am from Oregon you must remember; I like gray.)

I am in my great chair, I have all of my plant tools within reach, and I am having a heart to heart with the bonsai from Blake. My part went something like this, "please, please, you have to WANT TO LIVE." The bonsai is hanging in there, but before I gave it a trim I was concerned the brown was overtaking the green. These little guys are very high-maintenance. I knew that, I just didn't KNOW it before now. After close to an hour of staring at this small juniper (I potted a rescue-Jade too) I saw something move. Again, I come from Oregon, thus an affinity for things like beavers, salmon, and slugs.

However, not on my baby bonsai. It was the smallest slug I have ever seen, and after working at Outdoor School and trying find anything that moves on its own to show 6th graders, I have seen a lot of slugs. It was *sprinting* on my fragile micro-tree. I can't recall what it is that makes gardeners want to salt the little slimers, but there must be a good reason. That, and somewhere I read that you shouldn't water at night because it invites slugs; the implication being that this was a bad thing. So now I find myself faced with a dilemma. Here I was trying to be present and encourage the life of this tree so that I can try to remember to engage in the meditative practice of worrying about if it is on the verge of death, and now I am staring down a demi-slug and instinctively wanting to pluck it off my tree. Due to the size, said "plucking" would also result in squishing sluggie into oblivion. Not very Buddhist.

In the end, I used a bonsai tool (it came with the plant) and a dropped jade part to transfer the slug to a wet paper towel. Slug was relocated and last I saw he was mountaineering across the landscape of Bounty. I was giving bonsai a final look, when something moved. Argh! Yup, slug number two. She was faster and before she knew it was living in a sea of white moist towel. This discovery meant that I was staring at the two-tone juniper until it was too dark to see a slug even if it was hot pink. I promise not to water at night anymore, and the bonsai has agreed to try to want to live.

world refugee day

There are a lot more marked "days" than I remember there being the last time I gave it some thought. Today is World Refugee Day and with so many places in the world that need support I am conflicted about how little I am doing these days. I know that I am still recovering and that while I am having more good days than bad, I am not back to where I was physically, and I am far from feeling reincorporated into any kind of an engaged social existence. It is still hard to return phone calls and emails when I don't know what to say. Listening to what is taking place in so many countries it is hard for me to fathom the resources that went into my healthcare, surgery and hospitalization. I am trying to be thankful. If you have a minute visit the UNHCR website.

intent

When I thought about starting this site I imagined it could be a resource in the much absent forum about PTE surgery and the period of recovery. Unfortunately, I started working on it at almost the precise moment that I stopped wanting to talk about my health problems. I'm told this is how things go sometimes. While I don't mean to mislead anyone with the title, it has become harder to think about postings that reflect the details of ongoing health problems, physical therapy, continued testing, and the general emotional roller-coaster I have taken up residence on since last year. It feels self-indulgent and I hit a point where I just don't know what to say. Working from the assumption that there are only the five of you reading this (and "Alex" who evidently liked the squirrel in a sweater) I might try to include a bit related to health and my ongoing pursuit of it. Bear with me as I am trying to hang in there.

[Thanks Google Image for the kitten. You may notice it is actually cross-stitch...one of the many crafts I have started and is now somewhere in my apartment waiting for completion.]

new project

Carrie sent this to me today, and after a couple of miserable days it was what I needed to get me smiling again. Not only is the squirrel something of a family totem, but I love the sweater. Imagine stripes!

This brings me to recent projects in the wide world of crafts....
People most frequently ask what I am doing to fill my days all these months, well, here are a few examples of new talents acquired and projects completed.



That pink thing is a Womb Doll. When I first got sidelined, Samantha sent me a knitting kit with the pattern and supplies (such a good idea!). Five months later I figured out how to make it. Pretty cute if I do say so myself. I imagine recreating a work like Riefenstahl's TRIUMPH OF THE WILL, with an army of wombs -- TRIUMPH OF THE WOMB. I'm thinking that it is about time I made a short, and I've worked for enough film festivals to get is screened somewhere I'd hope! Ideas, ideas, ideas. Speaking of good ideas -- Alas, the womb is not my design, it is credited to knitter, mk carroll, and the pattern can be found on Knitty.com in the archive.

Ok, last photo/project, and then I have to go take a nap. This bee hat is a pattern my mom found at what is fast becoming one of my favorite destinations when I have the energy to run *errands*, The Knitter's Studio on 3rd. It is taken from Debbie Stoller's "Stitch 'n Bitch Nation" published by Workman. The pattern needed a little tweeking, but it makes a cute hat which I determined to be a especially nice (if not seasonal) present for a May birthday. Nothing like wool and a North Carolina summer, eh?

Mrs. Miyagi

What have I been doing?
This is the most commonly asked question that I don't have an answer for.
The post-op road to recovery is slow. Actually, for the intensity of the surgery, I am moving right along...but it feels slow when I realize it is June (!!)


In the spirit of being present and mindful of the fact that sometimes you just have to appreciate the slow in life, my dearest Blake sent me my very own Bonsai to pass the time with. Leave it to B to know exactly what I needed in the absence of a garden! Getting a plant in the mail is a f-a-n-t-a-s-t-i-c surprise. Cross your fingers that this little tree and I make it through the summer -- have I mentioned that it is hot in Hollywood?

Too much HGTV

To celebrate Memorial Day 2006, Orion and I tackled plumbing. To be honest, Orion was the one under the sink, but I was there to read directions, hand tools, and say supportive words of encouragement. We may not have made it to the grocery store, or done anything else on our list, but we do have a beautiful new Moen faucet which everyone who has done dishes in our kitchen the past few months can appreciate. Carrie will be delighted to know that it has a sprayer.
Nice work, O!


I may not be able to vacuum yet, but I can handle *lightweight* tasks like applying contact paper that looks like wood (love it). This really was a giant accomplishment, on par with walking the three blocks to the library. So far June is full of achievements.
Achievements and naps.