The wording was confusing -- YES if you are against gay marriage, NO is you are for it. Money to fund the proposition came from out-of-state, in particular from churches; churches that have become targets of protest and anger since the elections. Since last Tuesday, people have taken to the streets often to show their distress. Watching the 12,000 strong protest last weekend, I wished I was here to show my support. But driving home on Wednesday and getting stuck in a protest targeting El Coyote (bad food, good margaritas), because the daughter of the owner gave $100 to the yes on 8 campaign, I found myself questioning whether or not a good cause wasn't making itself look bad.
Marriage. I spend a lot of time thinking about this word and what it means. When O and I went to West Hollywood to get gay-married (civil union/domestic partnership -- thank you Gray Davis) in 2005, we knew it was a step, but that it was different than getting married. For years I have been at a loss to come up with an argument for marriage that sways O into thinking it is necessary, and at the same time, I understand that it is important. Even if half of American marriages fail, and kinship in this country is changing, I still think marriage matters. Why else would we go to so many weddings?
I am for activism. I support protest. I think that Prop 8 is a civil rights issue. And it kills me to see the impact this is having on dear friends. But I also support democracy and the rights of individuals to make choices. I still haven't gotten over the 2004 election and my dismay about this country's choices, but in some weird way it prepared me for this kind of democratic disappointment.
The question is: to protest or not to protest? Here is how my internal debate goes: There is no question that I support same sex marriage and think legally recognized marriage should be an option for all. I also think that to be in a democracy we have to respect when it fails us. Having said that, I do worry about the rights of minorities being decided by the majority. I am angry and sad about the outcome of Prop 8. I also get concerned when harm or threats of harm are directed at individuals for expressing a belief or lifestyle ---- whether it be that she is queer or mormon. There are gay mormons (and I know more than one who eats at El Coyote!)
At what point do we trust each other with choice? Whether it is our bodies or our kinship, shouldn't it be up to us? I don't know how to make others less scared or less righteous. Does going to a protest make me any better than the (in)activist I live with? When it comes to voting in my life, the outcomes are what I want about half the time. Maybe that is how it should be...even if it makes me nuts about half the time.
1 comment:
i've been out of blog land for awhile, but i just came upon this post and had to say that i love to read your internal dialogue on this. for me it has been one of those angry, screaming at the t.v., types of responses. mike and i say that when this comes to ia's laws, we'll be among the first to stand on the steps of the capital to demonstrate. we usually just cringe at the ignorance of much of this country. so it's nice to have friends like you who remind us to view things in a slightly more nuanced way. of course, i'm all for democracy, but i do not believe, as you pointed out, that the majority can always be trusted to make the right decisions for the minority. i think this is one of the cases, and i'm mad as hell. but i appreciate your take on it-- it's nice to hear another response to the dilemma.
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